Saturday, March 31, 2007
there are times when i feel like i've the weight of the world on my shoulders. other times i find solace most unexpectedly, a welcome reprieve from the flurry of thoughts, emotions and memories, so unrelenting.
we ask the whys and the what ifs, we guess up the answers. we edge around the use of past /present tenses, we grope about for the right words to use when there are already so few. i saw her photos in more recent times, she seemed happy, but then again, everyone looks happy in photos. i'll admit that i was never really close to her, but the feelings of regret and disbelief are just as real, and it pains me to think of the despair that she must have felt, to think of the stark loneliness of her passing.
this hasn't been the most pleasant of weeks, what with hospice visits and palliative care, gore fests though very artsy in portrayal ie. frank miller's 300 and sin city;
i don't like thinking about death.
distractions, i need a distraction.
char 3/31/2007 10:35:00 PM
Monday, March 12, 2007
horrid horrid exams.
in the week leading up to the pros, i resorted to all sorts of tactics to calm my frayed nerves and make me sleep- melatonin, camomile tea, cough syrup. but my poison has to be zolpidem and propranalol. nothing tops that cocktail seriously. and even if they don't work at least they help you remember all those darned side effects, which somehow stick better in your head after you've been drugged, because you think that they might actually manifest in you. so every night i'd lie in bed waiting for my heart rate to slow and the drowsiness to kick in, thinking that if i continue popping pills every exam i'm gonna get sexual dysfunction, heartblock and anterograde amnesia. Being a guinea pig is the best way to learn side effects i'll tell you that.
but i'm very thankful
1. that exams are over
2. for the very lovely people who comforted me during that horrid week namely my family, mich, jen, jayne, cheem, tak, jiayang, and all the other random (but v important!) people i called to whine and cry to.
sleepless nights begone!
anyways i love cafe del mar, which is where we traipsed to on friday after cofm. absolutely gorgeous.
and i ate a hell lot of food this weekend lah shittt. and i love japanese desserts! but they're better when the company is GOOD
it's been a very nice weekend and now it's back to school again.
Monday, March 12, 2007
horrid horrid exams.
in the week leading up to the pros, i resorted to all sorts of tactics to calm my frayed nerves and make me sleep- melatonin, camomile tea, cough syrup. but my poison has to be zolpidem and propranalol. nothing tops that cocktail seriously. and even if they don't work at least they help you remember all those darned side effects, which somehow stick better in your head after you've been drugged, because you think that they might actually manifest in you. so every night i'd lie in bed waiting for my heart rate to slow and the drowsiness to kick in, thinking that if i continue popping pills every exam i'm gonna get sexual dysfunction, heartblock and anterograde amnesia. Being a guinea pig is the best way to learn side effects i'll tell you that.
but i'm very thankful
1. that exams are over
2. for the very lovely people who comforted me during that horrid week namely my family, mich, jen, jayne, cheem, tak, jiayang, and all the other random (but v important!) people i called to whine and cry to.
sleepless nights begone!
anyways i love cafe del mar, which is where we traipsed to on friday after cofm. absolutely gorgeous.
and i ate a hell lot of food this weekend lah shittt. and i love japanese desserts! but they're better when the company is GOOD
it's been a very nice weekend and now it's back to school again.