party up

Saturday, April 29, 2006

this is way overdue but, but! i've passed driving!!!!! just yesterday :)
i never thought i'd see the day! am over the moon and really ecstatic, yesterday when the tester very reluctantly said "okay lah, pass marginally..." i wanted to like do something really stupid and wild like plant a big wet kiss on his old wrinkled cheeks but in the end all i did (thankfully) was squeal thankyou thankyou!!! and promptly left my seat forgetting all about my i/c. and then i ran over to my very sweet boyfriend who was patiently waiting outside for the 3rd time counting and just began crying out of relief.
thank you everyone who was so sweet to msg and ask about how it went! however i don't appreciate smartass quips like oh congrats so how short was your skirt this time. excuse me maybe i was wearing 3 quarts and maybe i passed purely based on merit and my good looks alone Ha Ha.
and thank you traffic police for passing me you won't regret this!

i'm a qualified driver now :)

so this morning i woke up at 6 am and stayed in my bed unable to fall asleep again because i was busying myself with thoughts of how brilliantly i drove and how fabulous i was, until i eventually drifted to sleep. when i woke up again it was bloomin' 810 am when i had to be at nuh at 855. so in the infernal devices of torture that are my heels i made a run for it, and when i say run, i mean run. i must have looked ridiculous because a bangla construction worker sitting in the back of a lorry laughed at me and yelled out, "aye grrl don vun so fast or sumthing bad veel happen to yew!" oh the irony! the indignity! to think i passed my tp just yesterday.
more indignity suffered during tutorial today. i didn't mean to cry, i really didn't mean to. this is turning out to be much harder than i thought.

char 4/29/2006 12:31:00 AM

Sunday, April 16, 2006

happy easter!

day out with one of my favourite girls jac today, shopping and girly conversation and yummay cakes at cedele, the recipe for a perfect sunday afternoon. and i've realised that one of the many reasons why i love jac is because she laughs at all my jokes. happy birthday precious! :)

i can't find anything to wear for eclinics. pants don't fit right, skirts are shapeless and baggy, and i simply can't bring myself to wear a fugly a-line or pencil skirt that stretches beyond the knee. i imagine anything longer than kneelength and i'll be looking like miss trunchbull from Matilda

and hell no i don't want to look like miss trunchbull.
mutter mutter. i know i'm sounding like a bloody airhead now.

everybody's either gone away or busy prepping themselves for exams. boo. i'm lonely. and my holiday plans for london have been thrown into disarray, if i go i'm gonna have to miss my birthday here in sg and i really don't want that either. which means lor gets off the hook and he won't have to plan my big birthday bash for me. which is unthinkable. but it also means i get to escape from the other party mel and co are planning for me at the corner of some hdb void deck. actually i don't think they're planning any party at all but one can't be too sure (harhar.)

anyway i miss my cg mate

last time i saw her was at nat koh's smashing party at MOS, and if and when she gets back from cambodia alive we'll be starting eclinics already. with lenith! the one person we said we'd never form a cg with, reason being he'd drag us down with him, and that isn't very much lower from where we already are. imagine our utter shock and disbelief when ta-dum! we find ourselves in the same group as him the very first cg we get. what are the chances lah. even striking 4D is easier.

char 4/16/2006 11:07:00 PM

Thursday, April 13, 2006

yesterday was the cremation, and the first time i've ever seen my dad cry.

the cortege left indus gardens at about 10 in the morning, before that we'd waited for the buddhist rituals to be carried out. the ceremony was a testament of devotion and piety, and it moved me, even though i don't believe in the rituals myself. the lulling strains of incantations and mantras, my aunties bowing and kneeling in reverence and lighting joss sticks for my ma ma's soul; it was a tangible sense of placidity that came over me. when it was time to say our final goodbyes, all of us stood around the coffin, thoughts uncounted and words unspoken, undivided in our silence and tears.

might i say as unmorbidly as i possibly can that mandai crematorium is really quite a lovely place, with its tranquil wide open spaces and lush foliage, the perfect backdrop for reflection and remembrance. and as the coffin was wheeled into the furnace, the grief i felt in and around me was so heavy, so crushing, only those who've lost someone dear in their lives can ever understand, and i let go of the tears that i'd been holding back over the past few days. nearby my dad was sobbing uncontrollably, seeing him cry like that was intensely heartwrenching. who can ever fathom the depth of a mother's love for her son, or the measure of the pain of a son who's lost his mother.

but life carries on, full circle, and we cope with our loss in our own ways. it's never easy but we'll manage, persevere, and we will move on. and the memory of her will always live on in our hearts; it's a cliche but it's true, i can say this meaningfully only now.
my grandma liked to laugh, my mum said we'll never hear her laugh ever again. but as she loved life and she lived deeply, she has no sorrow to die.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

char 4/13/2006 11:37:00 AM

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Close the door, put out the light
This day, leaves me tired and heavy
Waking hours will always fall away
When you feel that you're ready

Don't say goodnight
Just slide away into the dark
And take with you my heart

i don't know what it is i'm supposed to be feeling now.
anything but apathy please.

char 4/08/2006 02:15:00 AM

Thursday, April 06, 2006

finally we can all start breathing again.
this round of exams pushed me to the brink of insanity, i mugged my guts out for mb, mugging every day non stop for the past 2 weeks until at least 1 am, retreating to my bed bleary eyed and head heavy from all the damn properties of Streptococci and Clostridia and Ehrlichia and Chlamydia trachomatis and Coccidioidosis and Trichophyton Mentagraphytes var Interdigitales (they should be rotting in hell), reciting them in my sleep, only to forget most of them the next morning. sleeping and meals and even baths were luxuries- but that said i bathed everyday, okay.
and sleeping a total of 2 and a half hours for both days of exams is unadulterated torture in it's purest form. even worse were my panic attacks, they hit fast and furious and reduced me to a quivering, pathetic mess. so on that last night before the neuro paper, at 5.30 am when i thought i was going to collapse from my exhaustion, i surrendered everything to Him. and He saw me through.

this year has been shit.
but three words, God is good. and will always be.

ruxin! while you look like stephen chow (?! eh but i actually see the resemblance), jianri looks like BoA (?!?!), MC looks like claudia schiffer (?!?!?!?!??!), I, on the other hand, look like SAMMI CHENG! OH THE JOY! actually i see the resemblance too HAHA.

char 4/06/2006 12:26:00 AM