party up

Friday, September 30, 2005

a picture of my favourite little boy at church

how absolutely darling :)

and another of my favouritest kiddo in the world

happy children's day, to the little kid in all of us.

char 9/30/2005 11:45:00 PM

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

so i failed my test with an immediate failure.
i don't think i've ever cried so much before as i have in the past 24 hours. lor asked me if i'd cry as much if we broke up. i told him in all honesty i don't know.

people ask me if i'm crazy, my mom laughed at me for crying, people say don't worry you'll eventually pass. but. call it self denial or foolish pride whatever, but i really think i made the mark. i know i'm ready to hit the roads, i don't want to wait 3 months till dec to try again. i don't want to renew my pdl, my school membership, i don't want to spend sleepless nights stressing over a stupid test, don't want to pump more money into mindless revisions. i feel so horribly defeated, i came so close yet i lost it by an error i never ever make normally.

when i close my eyes and i think of that moment on the road when i had to swerve back into my lane, of being in the balloting room and realising i'd failed, i just lose it. and the tears start rolling again.

to the driver who refused to give way to me, i hope you damn well drive your fuggin blue car up a tree.

char 9/21/2005 11:54:00 PM

Monday, September 19, 2005

had a pretty rough day.
woke up to heavy torrential rains drenching everything in sight. it's absolutely not very fun at all having to brave the weather elements on a dark and early morning to get to SCHOOL whilst the rest of the nus population lie in sweet slumber, dreaming sugar-coated dreams of their bloody one week holiday. trudged thru puddle-ridden holland v so i could miss 95 and get to tutorial late. oh damn.
i missed jen very much today haha.

lunch was good though. okay food, great company. thanks guys for the reassurances and driving testimony :)

driving. again! garrgh.

but the last thing on my agenda really worked me emotionally. thinking back it's kinda surreal, y'know? after a day i'm still unable to accept it fully, unsure of what to say, how i should advise, etc. but today, just sitting quietly by you to craft your letter, i felt so much of what you were going through, your pain, your trepidation. but at the same time i saw your maturity, unfailing spirit, your courage and your heart, and it moved me to tears.
and when 3 of us sat there with our arms around each other, that was, in a word, heartwarming. and i thought to myself: we've come a long way.
we love you very much and support you in whatever you do.
you're a brave, strong girl, stronger than many of us could ever possibly be.
you have my heart.

char 9/19/2005 11:00:00 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

ponned school today and headed to orchard
guess who i saw

it's Quidam!
standing around in front of wheelock. i flipped out when i saw him and promptly went into a phototaking frenzy. try and spot the peepholes for the guy inside the suit! strangely enough i seemed to be the only one taking photos.

that's me looking very happy. don't ask me why am i sticking my stomach out in such an unflattering manner because i don't know.

a few hours later i realised it probably wasn't a very good idea having him parade around, especially with the bodyparts case happening just last week at the mrt station directly across the road. gosh.

char 9/17/2005 12:44:00 AM

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

it's Hwachong ZoukOut!

and i see

happy birthday number one!

char 9/14/2005 11:28:00 PM

Monday, September 12, 2005

today a strange sort of emptiness came over me. like i was left behind, as if everyone in the world had gone away and i was left all alone. i've never felt this way for a very long time, until this feeling crept round at the start of this year.

i miss being surrounded by a group of good girl friends, being able to do silly stuff like going to the toilet together, spur of the moment shopping sprees and pigout sessions, stayovers. i miss talking cock and bitching and whining in a group, miss sharing the same jokes and laughing till our sides ache and our eyes smart with tears, miss even the little petty quarrels. i miss baring our hearts and souls to each other, but most of all, i miss the familiar warmth of a girlfriend's hug when i'm crying and depressed.

the little things i used to take for granted, i want them all back, i've never wished for anything so much before.
i hope i don't sound like an ungrateful bitch, because to the people who do care, i really do appreciate and love you guys. i think i just need time to wallow in my own misery.

here on my blog,
it's not often that i wear my heart upon my sleeve.
but i feel lonely. so, so lonely.

char 9/12/2005 11:40:00 PM

Friday, September 09, 2005

Be With Me sounded very enticing after seeing glowing review after glowing review of the movie stack up on each other. and all those newspaper reports since may, of how at the Cannes film festival the cast got a standing ovation when the movie ended, how it moved even the harshest critic to tears. and when Lifestyle gave it a full page review and 4 out of 5 stars, the show was brimming with promise.

(sidenote, i've been prounouncing Cannes as Cans, like cans of coke until finally the smartiepants boyfriend corrected me, but not without breaking into hearty unreserved laughter and throwing in a few OHMYGAWDs youaresodumb!! for good measure. oh the shame.)

but when i watched it yesterday i didn't find it all that fantastic. i could blame it on my malaise but i'm inclined to think that splitting headache or not, it wouldn't have changed the show for me. the pace was a tad too slow and at times frustrating. and even though i knew that the lack of dialogue was meant as an artistic touch, it made it harder for me to connect with the characters. honestly it isn't exactly easy connecting with subtitles, believe me. the rapid changes of scene and characters needed some getting used to as well. and when the security guard died, i actually found that funny. oh no.

that said, the film was not without it's shining moments.
the bumbling and lovable security guard was such a sweetheart, his was a story of pining and unrequited love that was both funny and painful. and the raw emotion displayed by the 2 lesbian lovers was almost palpable.
but the winner had to be the story of theresa chan. she's such a strong and beautiful woman, and the way she rose above her afflictions, past her dashed dreams, to live life to the fullest was really heartwarming. for someone who can't see and can't hear, she's accomplished so much more than any of us would ever be able to. and at the end when she held the old man's head in her arms to comfort him, the silent tenderness of the scene was so arresting and so exquisite it teared at my heart.

anyways, go catch Cinderella Man when it opens! excellent movie.

char 9/09/2005 10:31:00 AM

Thursday, September 01, 2005

i cry too easily, i can't say whether that's a weakness or a strength. sometimes i wish i were tough as nails and i wouldn't give myself away just like that. yet i'm grateful to think i've a soft heart which breaks so easily.

i cried when i missed you but you ran out of talktime, i cried during Cinderella Man, and i cried again today.
but just so you know, i'm glad we can talk about everything. and when we said no secrets, i'm glad we meant it.

char 9/01/2005 11:17:00 PM