i've always believed in letting love find me rather than going about finding love. and when i thought it'd found me i'd just take a gamble and plunge head first into trying to love the person back, not wanting to let the so-called love slip through my fingers and pass me by, just in case i was missing out on a good thing. never really listening to close friends when they voiced their disapproval. never really knowing what i was doing and always having that smidgen of doubt at the back of my head that perhaps the feeling i managed to conjure up wasn't necessarily love, and it worried me so that i would mistake silly infatuation or obligation and indebtedness or worse, even guilt for love. maybe now and then i'd catch a few rare glimpses of love in it's unmistakable form and i'd convince myself to hold on. but when my expectations weren't met, when promises weren't kept and lies were told and uncovered, the game of love took its toll on me and i grew so weary and jaded from trying, i didn't want to try anymore. and just as well the other party would decide to throw in the towel at about the same time.

but love is when i never want to stop holding your hand, when i never want to say goodbye. when i watch you walk away from me after you send me home with a heaviness in my heart. when i'm walking home today in pure sunshine and light rain and all i can think about is you, and i'm feeling happy even though i'm as drenched as can be. when it kills me to know that you're depressed over me, and i actually feel physical pain. love is when you don't wash your hair as often as i'd like you to but i accept you as you are anyway -and this is a big deal okay! when the stuff we do together isn't exactly adrenaline-rush exciting but the feeling of just sitting next to you by the roadside in orchard road doing absolutely nothing is one of the best feelings in the whole wide world. when just seeing you in school makes my day. love is feeling happysecuresafewarm all at the same time and the knowledge that i want to do this forever and ever. love is having the guts to type all this mushy crap out on my blog which happens to be very public at the risk of grossing people out. and love is what i'm feeling now for the first time ever, and being so entirely sure of it.