Saturday, August 28, 2004
it occurred to me that i've been rather tight-lipped on my blog. think i've moved on in more than one way, past the whole melange of feelings that's been swirling within me for the past 2 months. been a period of stark realisation more than anything else, disappointment with myself for landing myself into one mess after another, but most of all, disappointment that i could ever be so fickle, when i used to pride myself on being stable in rships. me, the perpetual die-hard who wouldn't let go of the past, who got cautioned time and again about loving too much.
which leads me to ponder upon the timeless question what is love. again.
and how i could so easily get out of the last rship as easily as i went into it, despite all my misgivings. but thankful too that i'm outta it, because those misgivings never really left me. and because i asked God to somehow end it cuz i wouldn't know how to do it myself. thankful for the distractions that have slighted whatever pittance amount of remorse or loss i might have felt and thankful mostly for the biggest distraction of all hahahha.
this entry was posted after my long eloquent passionate speech on why i've stopped blogging to ange on msn.
think it's about time i nailed the damn anatomical terms and switch to mugger mode. thanks to del ange and van today who reminded me that i'm like the slackest outta all of us. which should so not be the case. hey yall i mean it when i said i miss studying with you guys kay. can't imagine piaing for exams with any other group. aee.
char 8/28/2004 11:55:00 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2004
school starting at 9, ending at 12, seeing van in the sci canteen, sitting eating and listening to sam yang strum the guitar, free haircut at neXt holland v, to-die-for haagen daaz lychee strawberry cheesecake and vanilla caramel brownie ice cream combination, and more time with my bitch sister before she recedes to muggerdom.
quite perfect :)
Saturday, August 21, 2004
school starting at 9, ending at 12, seeing van in the sci canteen, sitting eating and listening to sam yang strum the guitar, free haircut at neXt holland v, to-die-for haagen daaz lychee strawberry cheesecake and vanilla caramel brownie ice cream combination, and more time with my bitch sister before she recedes to muggerdom.
quite perfect :)
char 8/21/2004 01:52:00 AM
Saturday, August 14, 2004
i love you baby but i just can't smile.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
i love you baby but i just can't smile.
char 8/14/2004 11:11:00 PM
Friday, August 13, 2004
fast recovering from food poisoning i contracted in malacca. yay :) been an excruciating 4 days, throwing up all over my dad's car on the 1st day, my intestines writhing in spasm cycles with generous 10 min intervals in between, 39.3deg fever, swallowing a multicoloured assortment of pills, you name it, i pop it. forgot how yucky it is to vomit. bleurgh. well the chicken rice balls, loklok and nyonya food were good while they stayed in my tummy.
still rather shaken from visiting meifong in nuh, quite poignant in my opinion; trooping down to nuh as an og to visit one of us in hospital, guess it was just the whole sobriety of it all that stunned me, the thought of us future doctors really coming to grips with what's ahead of us together, understanding the vagaries of human life and unconsciously having this certain responsibility instilled in us. it's really hard to place in words. but today for the first time, after seeing meifong in her ward and barely recognising her, i was seized with the knowledge that i'm just 5 years away from having the power to really actually restore the sick back to full health, wanted so much to be able to make the most outta my next 5 years, wanted so much more. wanted most of all for meifong to be healed, and i'm sure the rest shared my sentiments, maybe even more than i think they did.
and saying the medical student's pledge later just signed, sealed, and delivered everything else.
Friday, August 13, 2004
fast recovering from food poisoning i contracted in malacca. yay :) been an excruciating 4 days, throwing up all over my dad's car on the 1st day, my intestines writhing in spasm cycles with generous 10 min intervals in between, 39.3deg fever, swallowing a multicoloured assortment of pills, you name it, i pop it. forgot how yucky it is to vomit. bleurgh. well the chicken rice balls, loklok and nyonya food were good while they stayed in my tummy.
still rather shaken from visiting meifong in nuh, quite poignant in my opinion; trooping down to nuh as an og to visit one of us in hospital, guess it was just the whole sobriety of it all that stunned me, the thought of us future doctors really coming to grips with what's ahead of us together, understanding the vagaries of human life and unconsciously having this certain responsibility instilled in us. it's really hard to place in words. but today for the first time, after seeing meifong in her ward and barely recognising her, i was seized with the knowledge that i'm just 5 years away from having the power to really actually restore the sick back to full health, wanted so much to be able to make the most outta my next 5 years, wanted so much more. wanted most of all for meifong to be healed, and i'm sure the rest shared my sentiments, maybe even more than i think they did.
and saying the medical student's pledge later just signed, sealed, and delivered everything else.
char 8/13/2004 09:57:00 PM
Sunday, August 08, 2004
it's scary seeing your average taiwanese serial rapist look-alike aka mr friendster stalker nieh "but if you get into med we'll be friends okay? :)" CC sitting near the clinical research centre late at night all alone. it makes me even more quivery seeing some post-graduate/researcher guy in a lab coat walking around the med corridors at 4 am in the morning carrying some metal tin thingy that prob contains cadaver entrails.
in anticipation of my life for the next 11 years. hello, misery!
Sunday, August 08, 2004
it's scary seeing your average taiwanese serial rapist look-alike aka mr friendster stalker nieh "but if you get into med we'll be friends okay? :)" CC sitting near the clinical research centre late at night all alone. it makes me even more quivery seeing some post-graduate/researcher guy in a lab coat walking around the med corridors at 4 am in the morning carrying some metal tin thingy that prob contains cadaver entrails.
in anticipation of my life for the next 11 years. hello, misery!
char 8/08/2004 12:02:00 AM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
god i've forgotten how painful it is to love someone. why is it that i can never seem to fully give myself to anyone, why do i stifle all my words and emotions, and when i actually say something, why does it seem like it doesn't matter or worse, spoil everything. and i've just been told i'm fucking nonsensical and ridiculous. oh and unstable. that's a first. i don't know what to think anymore.
the medicine timetable ain't pretty.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
god i've forgotten how painful it is to love someone. why is it that i can never seem to fully give myself to anyone, why do i stifle all my words and emotions, and when i actually say something, why does it seem like it doesn't matter or worse, spoil everything. and i've just been told i'm fucking nonsensical and ridiculous. oh and unstable. that's a first. i don't know what to think anymore.
the medicine timetable ain't pretty.
char 8/05/2004 11:54:00 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
uni's hitting me like a bus. having to deal with all the transience and changes can be so draining, i want more than ever to have something i can cling on to, something reliable and steadfast, i'm just terribly afraid that i might be looking for it in all the wrong places, afraid of losing my friends and myself. i liked my life the way it was before, pretty please don't take that from me.
my dog died yesterday. i'll miss ya old pal, really and truly.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
uni's hitting me like a bus. having to deal with all the transience and changes can be so draining, i want more than ever to have something i can cling on to, something reliable and steadfast, i'm just terribly afraid that i might be looking for it in all the wrong places, afraid of losing my friends and myself. i liked my life the way it was before, pretty please don't take that from me.
my dog died yesterday. i'll miss ya old pal, really and truly.
char 8/04/2004 01:04:00 PM
Monday, August 02, 2004
witching hour + at westcoastpark
Monday, August 02, 2004
witching hour + at westcoastpark