Monday, March 29, 2004
i'm sick of being so supremely gullible. totally inept when discriminating fact from fiction. like, this is fiction: nike saying he has a brother called fila, sean saying he has 4 tattoos, guoliang saying i'll be a highly likely winner of 300 bux by taking part in his moronic gameshow. everything else should be factual, i think.
working at shangrila rocks my socks. all i did was sit around waiting for the japanese delegates to arrive today, then waiting for the cocktail reception to end and that's when we can kope all the excesses. thinking of all my yum chocolate cameroons and chococlate tiramisu creams. no fresh eligible-bachelor type freshmeat ceo material though, they all have pot bellies and black lungs from the number of cigs they smoke.
at any rate i've found the rather lovely sylvia plath poem i'm supposedly exemplified by.
love letter-sylvia plath
Not easy to state the change you made.
If I'm alive now, then I was dead,
Though, like a stone, unbothered by it,
Staying put according to habit.
You didn't just tow me an inch, no--
Nor leave me to set my small bald eye
Skyward again, without hope, of course,
Of apprehending blueness, or stars.
That wasn't it. I slept, say: a snake
Masked among black rocks as a black rock
In the white hiatus of winter--
Like my neighbors, taking no pleasure
In the million perfectly-chiseled
Cheeks alighting each moment to melt
My cheeks of basalt. They turned to tears,
Angels weeping over dull natures,
But didn't convince me. Those tears froze.
Each dead head had a visor of ice.
And I slept on like a bent finger.
The first thing I was was sheer air
And the locked drops rising in dew
Limpid as spirits. Many stones lay
Dense and expressionless round about.
I didn't know what to make of it.
I shone, mice-scaled, and unfolded
To pour myself out like a fluid
Among bird feet and the stems of plants.
I wasn't fooled. I knew you at once.
Tree and stone glittered, without shadows.
My finger-length grew lucent as glass.
I started to bud like a March twig:
An arm and a leg, and arm, a leg.
From stone to cloud, so I ascended.
Now I resemble a sort of god
Floating through the air in my soul-shift
Pure as a pane of ice. It's a gift.
char 3/29/2004 10:46:00 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Sunday, March 28, 2004
char 3/28/2004 11:14:00 AM
Saturday, March 27, 2004
And then I double over. Why won't the pain stay away, why can't it leave me alone; why does it go and come back, go and come back? i hurl a wine bottle toward the water- it hits the ground and doesn't break on the soft sand, which infuriates me even more. I stand, I kick at the dirt, I look back at the stars and beg for help- please do something, please.
This time, there are no tears. This time, there is only emptiness, and i feel it set in the straight line of my mouth. I am not strong enough for this. I want an earthquake, a hurricane, anything- even a devil, the one with the cloven hoof- Mrs. Leed's unfortunate thirteenth child- to rush out and stomp on me, break me into little pieces and hurl me to the stars, let me go back with those people I love. Please.
I almost smile as I climb on the motorcycle behind her. The Monster is a million miles away right now. Instead, it's my family and how they're gone forever, and I feel that familiar numbness again. I think of the vision of Foxhole Girl peeking out of the ground, and I think of the Smiling Idiot stomping down hard on top of her head, reminding her that all human connections are perilous, that they all bring extreme and untenable pain, and that the best, most efficient way to avoid it is to stay deep within her foxhole. She may miss sights like a flooded cranberry bog- she may not ever ride on a motorcycle deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens- but she will stay invulnerable to the vagaries of human behaviour and the inevitability of a loved one's death.
-cranberry queen, kathleen deMarco
some excerpts i've been thinking about. i love this book, it's been a long time since i've read anything so beautiful, so compelling, so real. in living, you gain some, you lose some. in relationships, you gain some, you lose a whole lot more. i've loved and i've lost. and i've lived. managed to, somehow. oh wells. it takes a good author to put all my haphazard ephemeral thoughts into perspective and translate them into words, into something tangible and sacred.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
And then I double over. Why won't the pain stay away, why can't it leave me alone; why does it go and come back, go and come back? i hurl a wine bottle toward the water- it hits the ground and doesn't break on the soft sand, which infuriates me even more. I stand, I kick at the dirt, I look back at the stars and beg for help- please do something, please.
This time, there are no tears. This time, there is only emptiness, and i feel it set in the straight line of my mouth. I am not strong enough for this. I want an earthquake, a hurricane, anything- even a devil, the one with the cloven hoof- Mrs. Leed's unfortunate thirteenth child- to rush out and stomp on me, break me into little pieces and hurl me to the stars, let me go back with those people I love. Please.
I almost smile as I climb on the motorcycle behind her. The Monster is a million miles away right now. Instead, it's my family and how they're gone forever, and I feel that familiar numbness again. I think of the vision of Foxhole Girl peeking out of the ground, and I think of the Smiling Idiot stomping down hard on top of her head, reminding her that all human connections are perilous, that they all bring extreme and untenable pain, and that the best, most efficient way to avoid it is to stay deep within her foxhole. She may miss sights like a flooded cranberry bog- she may not ever ride on a motorcycle deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens- but she will stay invulnerable to the vagaries of human behaviour and the inevitability of a loved one's death.
-cranberry queen, kathleen deMarco
some excerpts i've been thinking about. i love this book, it's been a long time since i've read anything so beautiful, so compelling, so real. in living, you gain some, you lose some. in relationships, you gain some, you lose a whole lot more. i've loved and i've lost. and i've lived. managed to, somehow. oh wells. it takes a good author to put all my haphazard ephemeral thoughts into perspective and translate them into words, into something tangible and sacred.
char 3/27/2004 10:52:00 PM
lived the life of the rich and famous today by rotting at home as may aptly puts it. circus max called me like about 3 times today, 1st time casey was excitedly telling me how we're getting paid 180 bux for one day's worth of work, 2nd time she called again and told me how cmp caught me stealing the computer mouse they gave out free for people who returned the evaluation forms, and how they lodged a majorly big complaint. and when i was frantically defending myself may took over and started cackling into the phone, and turns out i was their joke of the day. damn! either they've got apac all under control or sun is not dishing out enough work to keep them occupied. 3rd time may called was to ask what hsien's full name was, and to tell me to brace myself for the next event next wk. and i foolishly asked can sleep at least 6 hours or not? and she's like can, 4 days combined can sleep 6 hours larh. goodness. i firmly believe that a person can die from not sleeping for 5 days straight. then i told may i was sleeping and she was disrupting my sleep, and she conveniently asked why is it you're always either sleeping or eating. and this time i couldn't defend myself because i have the dubious honour of wiping out the most cup noodles and kitkats in the office.
something funny, i gave my mum salvation army praisehaven's no. today cuz she wanted to give them our old tv, and after she put down the phone she was like eeeyer that woman on the phone sounds so scary!! and i started laughing my ass off and went abt exclaiming hey i know that woman! van and ange no prizes for guessing who. it was june the supervisor who sounds like she's sucked in an entire lifetime's worth of helium.
watched mighty ducks 2 on the tv tonight, i've loved that show since i was a kid, always makes me want to take up some extreme sport like ice hockey or bungee jumping. me! and i faintly recall space jam being a similar inspiration.
lived the life of the rich and famous today by rotting at home as may aptly puts it. circus max called me like about 3 times today, 1st time casey was excitedly telling me how we're getting paid 180 bux for one day's worth of work, 2nd time she called again and told me how cmp caught me stealing the computer mouse they gave out free for people who returned the evaluation forms, and how they lodged a majorly big complaint. and when i was frantically defending myself may took over and started cackling into the phone, and turns out i was their joke of the day. damn! either they've got apac all under control or sun is not dishing out enough work to keep them occupied. 3rd time may called was to ask what hsien's full name was, and to tell me to brace myself for the next event next wk. and i foolishly asked can sleep at least 6 hours or not? and she's like can, 4 days combined can sleep 6 hours larh. goodness. i firmly believe that a person can die from not sleeping for 5 days straight. then i told may i was sleeping and she was disrupting my sleep, and she conveniently asked why is it you're always either sleeping or eating. and this time i couldn't defend myself because i have the dubious honour of wiping out the most cup noodles and kitkats in the office.
something funny, i gave my mum salvation army praisehaven's no. today cuz she wanted to give them our old tv, and after she put down the phone she was like eeeyer that woman on the phone sounds so scary!! and i started laughing my ass off and went abt exclaiming hey i know that woman! van and ange no prizes for guessing who. it was june the supervisor who sounds like she's sucked in an entire lifetime's worth of helium.
watched mighty ducks 2 on the tv tonight, i've loved that show since i was a kid, always makes me want to take up some extreme sport like ice hockey or bungee jumping. me! and i faintly recall space jam being a similar inspiration.
char 3/27/2004 12:14:00 AM
Thursday, March 25, 2004
oh mama, slept like 2 hours last night in the vip lounge at raffles city convention centre. cmp asia is crazy serious shit. which other organiser gives their event management team the folders and collaterals at 10 pm and expects everything to be ready and perfect by 8am the next morning!? madness. so we spent like the whole morning and afternoon in the office pasting down silly tags and packing stuf to bring to swissotel, typing last minute announcements and rushing to queensway to collect inserts. only left toho mansions at 9.30 pm with all the bloody laptops and banners. then left swissotel at about 11 after dinner for home to grab all my stuf and essentials and to bathe and then left again for swissotel at 12.15. there we proceeded to stick names on all the tokens of appreciation, and started sorting out the different collaterals to stuff in the folders. and there we were, a motley crew of 3 girls, in a state of stupor, mechanically stuffing all the folders, driven by our motivation to sleep before 4 am. trying to stay conscious, cussing at cmp and laiyin, me running around barefoot in tshirt and shorts to check the charging phones, trying to keep my blood rushing. the stack of inserts refusing to diminish and staying as omnipresent as ever. complaining about workers' rights and how ours have been seriously violated, telling may what my dad said about the labour law, and may promising to fight for us and ask edward for a raise. wandering around in raffles city at 4.15 am looking for a bloody toilet, it's as if civilisation halts to a standstill once night is nigh. casey and i finally managing to sleep intermittently at 4.30 am in the achingly cold vip lounge, salim waking me up at 6.30 saying "hoi 7 already."
enterprise innovation 2004 itself was quite fun though, when i was able to stay awake. it's befuddling and disturbing to know how may and laiyin can spend the whole night up and still look as fresh as ever, whilst i managed at best to look like a drag queen. i seriously wanted to collapse into pris' arms, and she was like...hey what's all the mths of calling up people for! haha as if that was my motivation -"oh so the event would be a success!" please larh heh. saw her freak with his sunrise dyed hair, saw jiaying who sadly lost her phone again! manning the bea booth with amanda, making up stuf if people asked them about bea systems, saw all the delegates that we called and harrassed for the entire month of march, esp taking note of all our favourites, eg mr "fanntastic!" vig varun from knowledge tech who didn't even show, the KPMG guy whom i called who actually came, the deaf and mute guy who insisted on attending the seminar, the cheapolata i caught stealing paper bags and other random rubbish. it's actually a sort of nice feeling knowing that the event we birthed is finally happening, after an entire mth of marketing it to people and extolling its silly virtues. how basically its a showcase of intel based solutions and how they can help your company improve on the innovation pathway, mrbenitolopezoftheintelcorporation and other microsoft directors are coming down, so "i think" it'll be a great networking opportunity... and when all this fails to impress them, emphasise that it's a complimentary seminar, lunch is provided, inclusive of 2 coffee breaks, free parking on 1st come 1st served basis. that usually worked. and i'm so glad i've gotten to know casey and pris, and that i'm in this with them, cuz they really are 2 "fanntastic" (haha.) girls, notwithstanding all the 6th avenue taitai jokes. and i really can't think of a better and funnier supervisor than may, who buys us roti pratas and teh tariks and lets us come in as and when we care to.
and mrbenitolopezoftheintelcorporation is hot stuff!
Thursday, March 25, 2004
oh mama, slept like 2 hours last night in the vip lounge at raffles city convention centre. cmp asia is crazy serious shit. which other organiser gives their event management team the folders and collaterals at 10 pm and expects everything to be ready and perfect by 8am the next morning!? madness. so we spent like the whole morning and afternoon in the office pasting down silly tags and packing stuf to bring to swissotel, typing last minute announcements and rushing to queensway to collect inserts. only left toho mansions at 9.30 pm with all the bloody laptops and banners. then left swissotel at about 11 after dinner for home to grab all my stuf and essentials and to bathe and then left again for swissotel at 12.15. there we proceeded to stick names on all the tokens of appreciation, and started sorting out the different collaterals to stuff in the folders. and there we were, a motley crew of 3 girls, in a state of stupor, mechanically stuffing all the folders, driven by our motivation to sleep before 4 am. trying to stay conscious, cussing at cmp and laiyin, me running around barefoot in tshirt and shorts to check the charging phones, trying to keep my blood rushing. the stack of inserts refusing to diminish and staying as omnipresent as ever. complaining about workers' rights and how ours have been seriously violated, telling may what my dad said about the labour law, and may promising to fight for us and ask edward for a raise. wandering around in raffles city at 4.15 am looking for a bloody toilet, it's as if civilisation halts to a standstill once night is nigh. casey and i finally managing to sleep intermittently at 4.30 am in the achingly cold vip lounge, salim waking me up at 6.30 saying "hoi 7 already."
enterprise innovation 2004 itself was quite fun though, when i was able to stay awake. it's befuddling and disturbing to know how may and laiyin can spend the whole night up and still look as fresh as ever, whilst i managed at best to look like a drag queen. i seriously wanted to collapse into pris' arms, and she was like...hey what's all the mths of calling up people for! haha as if that was my motivation -"oh so the event would be a success!" please larh heh. saw her freak with his sunrise dyed hair, saw jiaying who sadly lost her phone again! manning the bea booth with amanda, making up stuf if people asked them about bea systems, saw all the delegates that we called and harrassed for the entire month of march, esp taking note of all our favourites, eg mr "fanntastic!" vig varun from knowledge tech who didn't even show, the KPMG guy whom i called who actually came, the deaf and mute guy who insisted on attending the seminar, the cheapolata i caught stealing paper bags and other random rubbish. it's actually a sort of nice feeling knowing that the event we birthed is finally happening, after an entire mth of marketing it to people and extolling its silly virtues. how basically its a showcase of intel based solutions and how they can help your company improve on the innovation pathway, mrbenitolopezoftheintelcorporation and other microsoft directors are coming down, so "i think" it'll be a great networking opportunity... and when all this fails to impress them, emphasise that it's a complimentary seminar, lunch is provided, inclusive of 2 coffee breaks, free parking on 1st come 1st served basis. that usually worked. and i'm so glad i've gotten to know casey and pris, and that i'm in this with them, cuz they really are 2 "fanntastic" (haha.) girls, notwithstanding all the 6th avenue taitai jokes. and i really can't think of a better and funnier supervisor than may, who buys us roti pratas and teh tariks and lets us come in as and when we care to.
and mrbenitolopezoftheintelcorporation is hot stuff!
char 3/25/2004 11:42:00 PM
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
impossible is nothing.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
impossible is nothing.
char 3/23/2004 11:17:00 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
char 3/21/2004 12:43:00 AM
yesterday was another one of those days. days when i seem to be the only one in this world, feeling like this is my world and feeling like i'm loving it. one solitary figure, sitting alone swinging my legs at the holland v bus stop in the morning, then boarding an empty 77 coming from orchard. treading my way home slowly past the playground deviod of screaming children, past the empty promises gardens security guard post, past houses still frozen in slumber, watching the morning sun rays dance in circles, filtered by leaves on the trees, sunlight tracing my careless footsteps. of reveries. sights and sounds, rapturous and infinite.
yesterday was another one of those days. days when i seem to be the only one in this world, feeling like this is my world and feeling like i'm loving it. one solitary figure, sitting alone swinging my legs at the holland v bus stop in the morning, then boarding an empty 77 coming from orchard. treading my way home slowly past the playground deviod of screaming children, past the empty promises gardens security guard post, past houses still frozen in slumber, watching the morning sun rays dance in circles, filtered by leaves on the trees, sunlight tracing my careless footsteps. of reveries. sights and sounds, rapturous and infinite.
char 3/21/2004 12:04:00 AM
Sunday, March 14, 2004
some days i wish i could be someone other than myself, this is one of those days.
-i'm tired
it's strange though how so much can happen in 2 years, some things seem just as vivid as they were 2 years ago, others seem to have lost their importance. some things i've chosen to forget, others i'd much rather not. and i've no one but myself to blame for feeling the way that i'm feeling now.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
some days i wish i could be someone other than myself, this is one of those days.
-i'm tired
it's strange though how so much can happen in 2 years, some things seem just as vivid as they were 2 years ago, others seem to have lost their importance. some things i've chosen to forget, others i'd much rather not. and i've no one but myself to blame for feeling the way that i'm feeling now.
char 3/14/2004 10:05:00 PM
Friday, March 12, 2004
yayyay managed to get 9 people to go for the damned seminar today! rockonss..oh and i realise smth quite funny, ivan pronounces seminar as seminal you know as in seminal vesicles, which isn't very pretty. humpf ahha but nvm this is so pathetic i'm just waiting for this job to end. please god please deliver me from disgusting
CEOs and snotty secretaries amen. anyway joke of the day
phone rings
me "hi!"
guy "oh how do you know my name is hi?"
me "Huh it is?"
guy "no larh but i want to register for enterprise innovation 2004.. can i speak to may?"
me "erh oh alright hold on please"
guy "oh but still march larh not may"
alrighty then. may says she's putting him on the gatecrashers list as boliao cheekopeh.
oh yarh bigger joke some mr steve lim of a tuition centre i went to for a month called me and asked me if i was interested in reliefing bio tuition for j1s. hello. he has no idea whatsoever how grotesque my bio is. strangely enough though i remember seminal vesicles haha.
went for sanctification wk yday on the last day itself, goodness now i know how jac feels cuz i had to have dinner with all the leaders, like major erh. the service itself was good. worship was good. and lots of prophetic acts last night too, the whole pouring away of old water and refilling of new. and pastor went around anointing us individually with the water, and was very touched by her prayer for me. and she said that my baptism testimony was beautiful, one that would never leave my lips. now my baptism seems like ages ago, don't know if i've become more christ-like, but somehow i feel more secure in the Lord, safe in the knowledge that He's always by my side. still get the jitters everytime i hear scary stuf, the other day someone made the ju-on "erRRRRRghhh" sound on the phone at 3 am and it nearly killed me again. got to work on my faith and frequency of quiet times, which at the moment stands at nil. yux.
oh yea TGIF! (: i love weekends
Friday, March 12, 2004
yayyay managed to get 9 people to go for the damned seminar today! rockonss..oh and i realise smth quite funny, ivan pronounces seminar as seminal you know as in seminal vesicles, which isn't very pretty. humpf ahha but nvm this is so pathetic i'm just waiting for this job to end. please god please deliver me from disgusting
CEOs and snotty secretaries amen. anyway joke of the day
phone rings
me "hi!"
guy "oh how do you know my name is hi?"
me "Huh it is?"
guy "no larh but i want to register for enterprise innovation 2004.. can i speak to may?"
me "erh oh alright hold on please"
guy "oh but still march larh not may"
alrighty then. may says she's putting him on the gatecrashers list as boliao cheekopeh.
oh yarh bigger joke some mr steve lim of a tuition centre i went to for a month called me and asked me if i was interested in reliefing bio tuition for j1s. hello. he has no idea whatsoever how grotesque my bio is. strangely enough though i remember seminal vesicles haha.
went for sanctification wk yday on the last day itself, goodness now i know how jac feels cuz i had to have dinner with all the leaders, like major erh. the service itself was good. worship was good. and lots of prophetic acts last night too, the whole pouring away of old water and refilling of new. and pastor went around anointing us individually with the water, and was very touched by her prayer for me. and she said that my baptism testimony was beautiful, one that would never leave my lips. now my baptism seems like ages ago, don't know if i've become more christ-like, but somehow i feel more secure in the Lord, safe in the knowledge that He's always by my side. still get the jitters everytime i hear scary stuf, the other day someone made the ju-on "erRRRRRghhh" sound on the phone at 3 am and it nearly killed me again. got to work on my faith and frequency of quiet times, which at the moment stands at nil. yux.
oh yea TGIF! (: i love weekends
char 3/12/2004 08:11:00 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
so here i am, standing at the crossroads of my life, having absolutely no idea where to go and what i want to do. okay, i mean with my job experiences so far accountancy is out out out, as are telemarketing and anything to do with sales. and computing too. aikes. aiyarh this is terrible. i can tell my parents are getting exasperated with my indecision. and i'm getting stressed again. i don't know larh i really want to do something that i've an interest in, and something pragmatic in this horribly boring society we live in. what i'd really like to do however so does not fall into the pragmatic category. ok so here's an idea of what i'd like in my future career 1) something to do with kids 2) something people-oriented 3)something that pays well so shoot me 4) something to do with design and art. 5) and the politically correct answer, something that will serve society and mankind and i'm tempted to say smth about world peace here. and 6) something besides a primary school art teacher. like how warped is this. in a span of three days, i've considered becoming a paediatrician, pharmacologist, copyrights lawyer and graphics designer for an advertising company. and i begin to realise that paediatrics and med school isn't all i've made it up to be. someone asked me if i was willing to see sick and dying children and children stricken with genetic diseases for the rest of my life. and thinking about it terrifies and pains me because i won't be able to take that sort of emotional trauma. not to mention all those exams doctors have to take every single year till retirement, the irregular working hours, housemanship, a one wk holiday every year, years of specialisation, and i know my physical and mental stamina won't hold out for that long. and i've thought about pharmacology, discovering new drugs and then patenting and marketing them, which would allow me to design the packaging and stuf at the same time, but thinking of the gerzillion years of research operations, stuck in a lab and being obsessed with finding a cure for cancer and prob looking at agar plates through a bloody microscope, and i seriously want to retch. i'm so worried. my parents were trying to help me with my decision, asking me what interests me, what i'm good at. but i don't think i'm particularly good at anything you see, any vaguely impressive grades i get are through hardcore piaing and it's not like some natural God-given talent. sometimes i'm really just satisfied with being a bum for the rest of my life. and somehow suddenly i miss school all over again.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
so here i am, standing at the crossroads of my life, having absolutely no idea where to go and what i want to do. okay, i mean with my job experiences so far accountancy is out out out, as are telemarketing and anything to do with sales. and computing too. aikes. aiyarh this is terrible. i can tell my parents are getting exasperated with my indecision. and i'm getting stressed again. i don't know larh i really want to do something that i've an interest in, and something pragmatic in this horribly boring society we live in. what i'd really like to do however so does not fall into the pragmatic category. ok so here's an idea of what i'd like in my future career 1) something to do with kids 2) something people-oriented 3)something that pays well so shoot me 4) something to do with design and art. 5) and the politically correct answer, something that will serve society and mankind and i'm tempted to say smth about world peace here. and 6) something besides a primary school art teacher. like how warped is this. in a span of three days, i've considered becoming a paediatrician, pharmacologist, copyrights lawyer and graphics designer for an advertising company. and i begin to realise that paediatrics and med school isn't all i've made it up to be. someone asked me if i was willing to see sick and dying children and children stricken with genetic diseases for the rest of my life. and thinking about it terrifies and pains me because i won't be able to take that sort of emotional trauma. not to mention all those exams doctors have to take every single year till retirement, the irregular working hours, housemanship, a one wk holiday every year, years of specialisation, and i know my physical and mental stamina won't hold out for that long. and i've thought about pharmacology, discovering new drugs and then patenting and marketing them, which would allow me to design the packaging and stuf at the same time, but thinking of the gerzillion years of research operations, stuck in a lab and being obsessed with finding a cure for cancer and prob looking at agar plates through a bloody microscope, and i seriously want to retch. i'm so worried. my parents were trying to help me with my decision, asking me what interests me, what i'm good at. but i don't think i'm particularly good at anything you see, any vaguely impressive grades i get are through hardcore piaing and it's not like some natural God-given talent. sometimes i'm really just satisfied with being a bum for the rest of my life. and somehow suddenly i miss school all over again.
char 3/10/2004 10:58:00 PM
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
i hate guoliang. seriously. i hope he chokes and dies of black lungs from all those cigarettes he smokes during camera breaks.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
i hate guoliang. seriously. i hope he chokes and dies of black lungs from all those cigarettes he smokes during camera breaks.
char 3/09/2004 10:36:00 PM
sitting in the fields surrounded by daisies
was her fate. She loves him,
she loves him not. He loves her
but he forgot. Now it's too late.
she's down to three petals,
she hears the whistle from the kettle,
but should she stay.
because running never solves anything,
running changes nothing, You better stay.
but if you're running to another's arms,
running to another's charms.
then go away.
indigo daisies indigo daisies
sitting in the fields surrounded by daisies
was her fate. She loves him,
she loves him not. He loves her
but he forgot. Now it's too late.
she's down to three petals,
she hears the whistle from the kettle,
but should she stay.
because running never solves anything,
running changes nothing, You better stay.
but if you're running to another's arms,
running to another's charms.
then go away.
indigo daisies indigo daisies
char 3/09/2004 04:20:00 PM
Sunday, March 07, 2004
heh my euphoria is still rather intact now and there's no sign of it diminishing, there's so much i want to say but i honestly can't put it into words. anyway, the experience on friday was orgasmic (erhm as was the experience of meeting utt but that's an entirely different matter)...after 3 whole months starting from the day of bio mcq of fretting for at least 10 minutes a day, dreaming of grossified results 5 times and i'm not including the subconscious nightmares here, my dream about my MIA-ed calculator 5 min before the maths exam, telling anyone who would listen that i was freaking worried for results. and finally. closure. the word never sounded so sweet.
and i'm proud of everyone!! proud of the sflc, rfc, and 72!! yall did so so well and seriously your happiness is mine too..finally 72 proved our worth instead of topping s7 from the bottom down -24 As for bio outta 25! and did smth for once that made ms ong proud, finally mg girls became less of a bane to mr ang's sorry existence. and it's possible. it's possible to live out the hwachong dream -wertwert, it's possible to ascend up the hc corporate ladder and become something bigger than a hwachong C E O (read: my prelim results ooer), it's possible. and it's all cuz of God's wondrous grace. from the time i got mrs tham's sms in the morning at 9.53 am and saying she was happy for me, to stepping into school and hearing jess tell me my results, to the actual moment when ms ong herself told me her remedials really truly worked, then giving me my result slip, with me letting out an incredible shriek and the tears and everything else just kept rushing, then later being lost in a flurry of hugs and congratulations. and everything just seemed so bright so beautiful.
coupla of people i gotta thank!
GOD!!! SERIOUSLY!!
my family, esp my mum for praying so faithfully and comforting me on the night before the a's started, and lincoln for praying for me before every meal
ms ong and mrs tham! and erh lao shi...ahha and she thought she'd never see the end of 02s72
van mel ange for the assurance and prayers and hugs and i'm damn proud of you 3!
del for staying up with me as late as you possibly could on the eve of dday and just being there gosh your company was like, imperative.
jiaying for praying...for what it's worth! haha
haihan my gp/chem/bio/chinese whatever tuition teacher..i don't think the m&m's are enough payment! all my thanks dude
yunde!! remember all our phonecalls!! before and after each exam and that time on the mrt when i felt like crying and puking, girl you're such a major part of it all and i love ya! :)
mabel and my cell for their prayers and support
zixuan my sweet girlfriend for all her encouragement
sean for the last minute bible study session and for teaching me the meaning of faith
hsien for reminding me to have faith!
jac reina char for all their concern! it made the whole wait so much more bearable
maggie and zhiming for bearing with my whatifs and hows and dies and shits and i'msoscareds and then telling me don't be dumb dumb.
and everyone else larh. haha i just feel like indebted to everybody.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
heh my euphoria is still rather intact now and there's no sign of it diminishing, there's so much i want to say but i honestly can't put it into words. anyway, the experience on friday was orgasmic (erhm as was the experience of meeting utt but that's an entirely different matter)...after 3 whole months starting from the day of bio mcq of fretting for at least 10 minutes a day, dreaming of grossified results 5 times and i'm not including the subconscious nightmares here, my dream about my MIA-ed calculator 5 min before the maths exam, telling anyone who would listen that i was freaking worried for results. and finally. closure. the word never sounded so sweet.
and i'm proud of everyone!! proud of the sflc, rfc, and 72!! yall did so so well and seriously your happiness is mine too..finally 72 proved our worth instead of topping s7 from the bottom down -24 As for bio outta 25! and did smth for once that made ms ong proud, finally mg girls became less of a bane to mr ang's sorry existence. and it's possible. it's possible to live out the hwachong dream -wertwert, it's possible to ascend up the hc corporate ladder and become something bigger than a hwachong C E O (read: my prelim results ooer), it's possible. and it's all cuz of God's wondrous grace. from the time i got mrs tham's sms in the morning at 9.53 am and saying she was happy for me, to stepping into school and hearing jess tell me my results, to the actual moment when ms ong herself told me her remedials really truly worked, then giving me my result slip, with me letting out an incredible shriek and the tears and everything else just kept rushing, then later being lost in a flurry of hugs and congratulations. and everything just seemed so bright so beautiful.
coupla of people i gotta thank!
GOD!!! SERIOUSLY!!
my family, esp my mum for praying so faithfully and comforting me on the night before the a's started, and lincoln for praying for me before every meal
ms ong and mrs tham! and erh lao shi...ahha and she thought she'd never see the end of 02s72
van mel ange for the assurance and prayers and hugs and i'm damn proud of you 3!
del for staying up with me as late as you possibly could on the eve of dday and just being there gosh your company was like, imperative.
jiaying for praying...for what it's worth! haha
haihan my gp/chem/bio/chinese whatever tuition teacher..i don't think the m&m's are enough payment! all my thanks dude
yunde!! remember all our phonecalls!! before and after each exam and that time on the mrt when i felt like crying and puking, girl you're such a major part of it all and i love ya! :)
mabel and my cell for their prayers and support
zixuan my sweet girlfriend for all her encouragement
sean for the last minute bible study session and for teaching me the meaning of faith
hsien for reminding me to have faith!
jac reina char for all their concern! it made the whole wait so much more bearable
maggie and zhiming for bearing with my whatifs and hows and dies and shits and i'msoscareds and then telling me don't be dumb dumb.
and everyone else larh. haha i just feel like indebted to everybody.
char 3/07/2004 11:11:00 PM
Saturday, March 06, 2004
faith, the belief in things yet unseen
grace, like a garland on the head of the fallen
peace that transcends all understanding, and
love, my redemption.
adonai elohim tz'va'ot
my giver of faith, grace, peace and love
asher hayah v'hoveh v'yavo
thank you thank you thank you.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
faith, the belief in things yet unseen
grace, like a garland on the head of the fallen
peace that transcends all understanding, and
love, my redemption.
adonai elohim tz'va'ot
my giver of faith, grace, peace and love
asher hayah v'hoveh v'yavo
thank you thank you thank you.
char 3/06/2004 11:38:00 AM
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
i'm sad.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
i'm sad.
char 3/02/2004 11:03:00 PM
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