party up

Saturday, June 28, 2003

charmain posted this entirely sweet message about raynard on her blog and since her comment facility is somewhat lacking last i checked i'll tell her it's sweet here :)

char 6/28/2003 10:17:00 PM

do I murder
when I forget you from afar
too drunk on the poison of endless roads
and the countless smokey bars

do I murder us
putting pavement in my veins
shooting in that special heroin
for the seeking and displaced

but tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

sixpence none the richer

tonight it seems like ages ago.

char 6/28/2003 09:55:00 PM

Thursday, June 26, 2003

my jeans are now tighter than a slim wrap after undergoing 4 wash cycles. but quite relieved that the colour didn't run as badly as i thought it would. nearly died when my maid told me they were getting worse with each consecutive wash ahha but yay they're alright larh.

char 6/26/2003 10:50:00 PM

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

been slacking like a true slacker and it's scaring me to think how i don't particularly care very much. bleurgh i mean i do. i guess. a little. but i'm resigned to my fate larh. you know expect the worst of the worse and when something vaguely better happens then i'll be happy. ahha this is really tragic. went out with seow today to have lunch but instead spent the longest time at mango. think having nets is really hazardous to my health and bank account but mental note to self: i will curb my expenditure!!!!! yesyesyes so sean you can forget about your gravis shoes!!!! hahaha that's one more thing off my list of stuff to buy what an achievement. one small step for me one giant leap for me again. listening to the sar-vivor rap now and it's seriously so funny. i think my sense of humour is rather screwed or something can you imagine i actually laughed til i choked on my fishcake when watching under one roof during dinner yesterday. my brother just downloaded combo no. 5 by tai mai shu, some song delivered in a chinaman accent haha it's how funny and yeah you can tell i'm stalling for time to avoid hitting the books again. sigh.
anyway i keep listening to the duan le si nian song by shin and it's really good. so i'm gona do the unthinkable now and post the song in it's (gasp!) full chinese glory. the first and last time i hope.

char 6/25/2003 08:05:00 PM

Monday, June 23, 2003

Show us all what grace can mean,
all of what I might be.
Close your eyes call it escape.
We'll run away from everything

My song it shames your ears
every sentence a failure.
Slant rhyme is all I can give
and half truth is all I'll get.

Show us all what grace can mean,
all of what I might be.
Close your eyes call it escape.
We'll run away from everything

char 6/23/2003 05:46:00 PM

i want to walk out on all of this. walk out on everything. every single little thing. and this time i mean it.
no more
no more
no more...

char 6/23/2003 01:44:00 AM

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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char 6/23/2003 01:18:00 AM

Thursday, June 19, 2003

i feel very loved today :) shan't say anything else in case i jinx whatever i have now.

char 6/19/2003 11:18:00 PM

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life i've left behind me
is a cold room
i've crossed the last line
from where i can't return
where every step i took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home

and sweet surrender is all that I have to give

char 6/19/2003 12:05:00 AM

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

i'm going down again.

char 6/18/2003 11:15:00 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

i keep trying to push thoughts of you out of my head. and all the effort is really wearing me out. i try so hard and at the same time i don't try at all. maybe i don't want to try anymore. or maybe i want to start trying.
i'll go toss a coin.

char 6/17/2003 07:14:00 PM

Monday, June 16, 2003

the images from ju-on are seriously giving me the creeps. my goodness i can't get the image of that boy outta my head and it's seriously scary whenever i'm alone in some corridor or toilet. i'm really such a wuss and i don't even do horror normally and i just had to watch ju-on, the most evil of the evils. on my birthday too. but then again it's rather fun freaking people out with snippets of the movie. don't mind me getting a kick out of scaring people like that. like today at the club when we were sitting in the reading room, and i suddenly mentioned the bit about the boy hiding under the table at the cafe, then leapt off my seat screaming and that started ange and mel screaming too hahaha how fun. wouldn't study in that room alone though there's so many reflective surfaces, and a security camera!! then when i went into the toilet there was this old woman there near the door with a damn stoned look on her face and i really freaked there larh. anyway my birthday has come and gone, don't feel any different. what's all that about turning 18 and being legal and stufs. beeeeg thrill. but i guess it does have its perks now i won't have to wait outside a club for an id looking like an underaged delinquent. now i'll just look like a delinquent. oh but i won't be going clubbing for quite some time larh. to all concerned strangers from new york, new jersey, papua new guinea, i'll stay sane and in control. and i'll stop harming my body with excess alcohol. relack one corner and be consoled.

char 6/16/2003 07:52:00 PM

Saturday, June 14, 2003

oh and the flying boxes are at it again!!! screw them larh.

char 6/14/2003 11:17:00 AM

there's this concerned stranger from new york who left a private message in my guestbook....about how clubbing is bad for me and do i really want to be consuming that vile stuff we call alcohol, then proceed to lose all my inhibitions and heeelllloooo like how weird is that i didn't even mention anything about clubbing! and another thing my tolerance level is really nil - eg: getting drunk in club med, getting drunk after 1.5 glasses of vodka lime, anyway maybe i should be writing my own poem about chinablack. then all the notes from concerned strangers would start rolling in.

char 6/14/2003 11:14:00 AM

Thursday, June 12, 2003

i think i just need some time to think and encapsulate all that i feel. prayer helps too. i'll pray very very hard. and i'm trusting God and i'm not letting go of Him now. because all things happen in His time and i'm going to pick up from here. because He promised that He won't let me suffer more than i can bear. and things can only go up when they're so down right? there i'm going to stay optimistic. people remind me to be happy kay? i'm gonna smile :) smile and be happy for me too kay.

char 6/12/2003 12:11:00 AM

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

i feel very weak now. and i'm upset. very upset. if anyone's reading this give me a call kay. just let me know i'm not alone. because i hate being alone.

char 6/11/2003 11:31:00 PM

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

i've got nemo stickers plastered all over my bathroom walls. kinda ripped them off mcdonalds. think my parents have half a mind to return them to where they came from. shit ahha sounds bad but i like the adrenaline rush from peeling them off and then absconding with them. damnit larh this is stealing right. i stole nemo and marlin last night from the mc's outside shaw house. at about 2 am so no one was looking. oh dear but seriously they are so cute! heh and they make me happy :) sad that i've got to steal my joy though.

(and i've been thinking maybe being happy is a sin)

char 6/10/2003 09:32:00 PM

Sunday, June 08, 2003

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be ( so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cause I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill
(climbin' up a hill)

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
(on a wing and prayer)

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye

The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye

Someone please tell me why

Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again

char 6/08/2003 12:49:00 PM

Saturday, June 07, 2003

Somewhere deep inside me
I hold a picture of a time long gone
A time of ease and simple pleasures
And days in shadows not so long

Now with my mind I'm struggling,
Holding on to what I believe
Listen to the fragments of my thoughts
That leave me broken and decieved

'Cause I don't know the way
He said "I can take you there,
I can show you places where
Our time has had no ware"
And as we walked the plains
The skies, they open wide
Revealing all the shame
For what's been lost inside us all

It's a day in the life
In my mind I've seen it all
Sometime soon for all to see
The walls are slowly breaking down
In my mind I've seen it all
And someday we'll be free

We're searching for a message
Or so I thought, but so it seems
The ignorance in the myths of others
Is easier to redeem

I've never questioned the answers given
To find the faith that's been lost within
'Cause where I lay my trust in others
Where it lies the ground is thin...

'Cause I don't know the way
He said "I can take you there,
I can show you places where
Our time has had no ware"
And as we walked the plains
The skies, they open wide
Revealing all the shame
For what's been lost inside us all

It's a day in the life
In my mind I've seen it all
Sometime soon for all to see
The walls are slowly breaking down
In my mind I've seen it all
And someday we'll be free

It's a day in the life
In my mind I've seen it all
Sometime soon for all to see
The walls are slowly breaking down
In my mind I've seen it all
And someday we'll be free

I know you say you love me
If what you say is true
So show me something that's not decieving
'Cause I wouldn't lie to you

It's a day in the life
In my mind I've seen it all
Sometime soon for all to see
The walls are slowly breaking down
In my mind I've seen it all
And someday we'll be free

char 6/07/2003 08:34:00 AM

ok scrap the happy shit.

char 6/07/2003 08:22:00 AM

Friday, June 06, 2003

stolen

happiness used to be so elusive, so fleeting, so short.

but i realise that i've got many many things to be grateful for in this life. and i've decided that if i'm happy, then i want stay happy. and right now, i am happy :) and i'm not going to let anything get in the way because i'm going to cling on to that happiness, and i'm going to live in my joy.

(it's been awhile.)

char 6/06/2003 07:46:00 PM

Monday, June 02, 2003

dear jac i'm not pissed. i'm as quizzical as you are actually. you of all people should know how i feel, just that my willpower compared to yours might be somewhat lacking. just do me a favour and don't tell anyone yet kay. really i'll be fine...i know what i'm doing. and the past year has made me stronger than before, i won't do anything stupid. and i want to thank you for all those nights when you listened; you say you were helpless whenever i called, and that you might not have known what to say. but i want to tell you that even if there were silence between us, it was comfortable, i knew you were there. and that silence spoke volumes, maybe even more than words could ever convey. you'll always be my sister in Christ babe. always and forever.

char 6/02/2003 09:49:00 AM

Sunday, June 01, 2003

it's so sad when people my age, and even kids younger than 10 pass on. pastor was saying today in church that life on earth is but a temporary assignment. we're not meant to find true happiness on this earth because our life here is so brief, so transient as compared to our eternity in heaven. and so fix our eyes on the Lord and then we won't be disappointed. our identity is found in eternity, and our homeland is in heaven. but when people leave to be home with the Lord, it just scares me to think that there could be no tomorrow on earth that is. and i wish i had the strength to face death if it should stare me in the face but i just don't. my mum's student died of cancer. and she's all of 9 years old. but my mum was telling me how she kept her faith and just brought hope and love and joy to everyone even in the last 2 years. and i really hope that i'll be able to do the same and give God all the glory, and proclaim that great things He hath done, even when i am weak and frail and when it's time for me to return to Him.

ahha and no i'm not depressed o-kay :)

del remember you told me that we'll be able to smile at our pain someday? i think the day is drawing nigh :) we'll keep each other informed yarh

char 6/01/2003 11:39:00 PM